The Adventures of the Druggies
by Rolland
Summary: DONE Sasuke and Sakura leave, Hinata confesses, Ino plots, Chaos unfolds. What else will happen? Read to find out. Last chapter up. NARU x HINA minor neji x tenten and sasu x saku
1. The Hunt Begins

**News: The very first chapter of my very first fic, and it's been revised. Yes, I've revised all of the chapters so far, so that they'll make a tad more sense. For now, let's get on with the revised chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**-**

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were waiting in Kakashi's house (coughmansioncough) for their 'special mission', but Kakashi was late . . . Again.

"What the hell?" Sakura shouted. "Why isn't he here? Can't he be on time at _his own_ house? It's bad enough that he made _me_ wait for _him_ at_ my_ _house_ last night."

Sasuke shuddered and fell to the ground._ 'No! Not my sweet, sweet Sakura! I was supposed to be her first!'_ he thought to himself. Naruto, being the dunce that he was, didn't realize what it sounded like Sakura had just said.

"It was 10:30 before he showed up to help me practice." She yawned. "And he was so rough with me. I should have just went to sleep."

"I'm kind of glad he's not here." Naruto chuckled as picked up a joint. "Now colors and I can be alone. . . together." He lit a few and started inhaling the happiness.

"Put down Kakashi's drugs, Naruto," Sakura sighed, "Or he might make you go pick some more marijuana from his garden. Last time, you got lost in there."

Naruto wasn't listening though; he was lost in the colors. "I like colors! Colors are your friend!" Naruto shouted, and began licking the floor. "Taste the colors!"

Just then their drug addicted sensei popped in and saw Naruto burning the precious joints. "NA-RU-TO!" he shouted, "Make me five-hundred more more joints in a half hour or I'm going to kill you."

Kakashi was about to leave when Sakura began yelling. "What the HELL is our next mission?"

"Oh right, the mission!" he exclaimed. "Go get me-"

"Drugs!" Naruto yelled. "My precious, my precious."

"You want us to fuel your addiction to hallucinogenic-" Sakura began.

"Use small words, Sakura; you might confuse him." Sasuke snapped.

"Oh. You want us to help you get high?" she asked in a confused tone.

"Yes!" Kakashi shouted.

"I guess we have no choice, but could you give us an hour and a half?" Sasuke asked.

"Drugs!" Kakashi shouted and disappeared.

"I'll take that as a yes." Sakura said. "But why an extra half-hour?"

"We have to make sure the dunce doesn't get loose." Sasuke hissed with an evil grin.

He made some strange hand signs and Naruto was bound to the floor by black chains. The three of them remained there until Kakashi got back.

"Okay, where's my weed? He asked as he looked around. "What happened to him?" he asked as he pointed to Naruto.

"He tried to perform the shadow-clone jutsu," he quickly lied, "But he was so high that he performed a binding jutsu instead."

"So he doesn't have my weed?" Kakashi asked as he started to twitch. "You DUNCE!" he shouted as he threw kunai at him.

The kunai pierced his heart and he screamed. "MY DRUGS, MY DRUGS, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!"

Naruto was dead, and that was the end of "Believe It!"

-

**There, Ch1 of the new revised Adventures of Druggy. You'll meet Druggy in Ch2.I've decided to write some of my random thoughts at the end of every chapter. For now, a joke.**

**Random Thoughts: How many unicorns does it take to screw in a lightbulb? We're not sure, every time we get more than one in the same room, they start sucking each other.**

**If you don't get it, that's okay, it's kind of an inside joke. And I'm not talking about the animal.**

**Before you jump to any conclusions, like Sasuke, Sakura did NOT sleep with Kakashi. He was helping her practice taijutsu.**


	2. The Village Hidden In Peace

**News: I won't be doing summaries, It hurts my brain. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does.**

**-**

"Okay," Kakashi sighed as he turned to the remaining ninjas, "You two have an hour to get me more joints or you get to join Naruto." With that, he left his house again.

"Is he gone?" Naruto asked as he stood up. He looked around and picked up another joint with a sigh of relief. "Thank god, I thought he'd never leave."

"WHAT THE HELL?" Sakura shouted as she pulled out her own kunai. "WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD?"

"Because I have…the power of…the Nine-Tailed…Fox," Naruto bragged in-between puffs of Kakashi's drugs. "Which allowed me…to heal myself."

Sakura raised her kunai and was about to charge in and slice his throat when Sasuke spoke, "Do you want to get super high and live with colors forever?" His voice sounded a bit malicious, but Naruto was too high to hear it.

The dunce vigorously shook his head up and down so Sasuke led him into Kakashi's basement with Sakura following.

When they got to the end of the basement, (which was a fair distance from the escalator) Sasuke found what he was looking for, a propane line. He made the same hand sign as before and Naruto was chained to the pipe. He gave it a good kick and it broke.

'What's he doing?' the kunoichi wondered to herself. But then she got it and gave a malevolent smile.

Sasuke and Sakura walked to the other end of the basement, up the escalator and stopped at the gas controls. He turned it all the way up and the two of them left the house.

They waited about ten minutes and Sasuke put his plan into action. He preformed the hand signs and called the name. "Fire Style! Fireball Technique!"

The door ignited and they ran as fast as they could. They made it just far enough when the house exploded.

The whole thing took about forty-five minutes. Fifteen to the end of the basement, fifteen back, ten to the gas to build up and five to run. Which meant that they had fifteen minutes to get Kakashi his drugs.

This didn't seem to bother Sasuke though. He merely ran (VERY, VERY quickly) to the drug store, bought all of the drugs, put it on Kakashi's account and ran back.

Seconds after Sasuke got back, Kakashi popped up again. "DRUGS!" he shouted.

Sasuke emptied his pockets of their precious contents and Kakashi did them all. Yet he did not look happy, or high. He looked worried.

"Sasuke," he whispered in shuddering breaths, "something terrible has happened. I've built up a tolerance to drugs." He didn't seem to notice, though, that Sakura was rolling her eyes and Sasuke was shaking his head. So he continued, "There is only one man that can help me now, Druggy." He held up a picture of a man in a hooded cloak and continued. "Go to The Village Hidden in Drugs. There's a portal behind the drug store." He turned around and walked into his burnt-down house.

Sasuke and Sakura walked to the drug store and followed a beaten path to the back. It led right into a tree, but they followed it anyway. They entered the tree and appeared in a strange place.

It kind of looked like a rainbow; there were colors everywhere. That's when it occurred to Sasuke that this place was where you went when you were high.

"What the-" Sakura began to ask, but she felt an enormous peace flow over her body. She drifted silently into a deep sleep.

The peace was so strong that Sasuke couldn't resist it. His eyes closed as he lay upon the ground. The last thing he saw was a cloaked man appear in front of him.

Sasuke's eyes snapped open as he sat up. The colors were gone. Instead, he saw that he was in a nice bed in a nice room. He looked to his left and saw Sakura, she too was in a nice looking bed.

Her eyes flickered open as she sat up. She stretched, gave a silent yawn and got out of bed. She started to look around when the door opened and a hooded man walked in.

"I see that you've had a tranquil night." he said from under his hood. His voice had a relaxed tone to it.

"Who are you and where are we?" Sasuke asked as he got out of his bed. "Are you Druggy?"

"My name is Drugyll," he responded, "but that is what every one calls me, yes. As for your second question, you are in the Village Hidden in Peace."

"Hidden in Peace? We're supposed to be in the Village Hidden in Drugs. What about the colors?" Sasuke asked him.

"TDIS, Trans-Dimensional Illness Syndrome." he replied, "You must be the ones that Kakashi told me about. I'm your guide to the Hidden Drug Village. Come with me to the Shrine of Quobu. He's the native god here. We must pray before we start our journey." he headed for the door and gestured for them to follow.

**-**

**Ch2 has been revised. The reason it wasn't revised as much as Ch1 is because I liked it.**

**Random Thoughts: We all love Ramen on the inside.**


	3. Back From Hell

**News: I don't have any news.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does.**

**-**

Meanwhile, Kakashi was riding his escalator to check on his experiments. (Everything had magically fixed its self.) He took that fifteen minute walk to the end of the basement and gazed at the horrifying sight before him.

Naruto's clothes had burnt off his body and his skin was black and charred. Kakashi wasn't shocked to see him dead, nor was it just because he was naked. No, it was because of what he saw on Naruto. It was just below his waist, in between his legs. There was Ino.

"Hey Kakashi…" she gasped between sucks. "Did you come here to…get in on the action?"

Kakashi just shuddered and went into his laboratory. It was a small circular room with about twenty old-fashioned oil lamps hanging from the ceiling. The room had a counter that ran around its edge which had various potted plants scattered on its surface.

He shuffled the plants around until he found the ones that he was looking for. One was labeled marijuana and the other was tobacco. He was about to attempt to cross-breed them when he heard Ino screaming.

He stuck his head out the door and began to shout, "Shut up Ino, you slu-" but he realized that Ino had two kunai sticking out of her eye sockets and was dead on the ground. Naruto, however, was very much alive. His flesh was healed and was returned its normal color.

There was something wrong though. His eyes were red and had an evil look to them. His mouth twisted into a smile and his eyes narrowed. He took a step forward and began to speak in a raspy voice.

"Hello Kakashi." Naruto breathed. "I'd like to show you something." He pulled out one of the kunai from Ino's skull.

"N-no thanks, N-Naruto," he mumbled, "I-I-I've already s-seen Ino s-sucking it." He took a step back and continued to mutter. "Maybe Hinata would-"

The rest of Kakashi's words, however, were lost as fear engulfed him. He realized that Naruto was going to kill him. Probably revenge for trying to kill him before.

Naruto raised the kunai and threw it in the same way that Kakashi did just an hour and a half ago. The knife went right through his throat and he fell to the ground.

Naruto decided to leave Kakashi's house, but before he left, he made sure Kakashi was dead. After he was done playing with kunai, he found an extra pair of his clothes in Kakashi's closet and left Kakashi's house to find none other than Hinata.

"O-oh, Naruto, w-what h-happened to you?" she stammered. "Y-your eyes, t-they're red. And y-your hands they're c-covered in b-blood."

Naruto ignored her and kept walking, but she didn't let up. After about five minutes, having gotten only about a block, Naruto turned to her.

"Leave me alone… or I will kill you." he hissed in that same raspy voice. He drew a shuriken and Hinata backed away. He was about to kill her, but she had always kept to herself. So Naruto lowered the shuriken.

There was true fear in her eyes, but she didn't believe it, she couldn't believe it. "Naruto, w-what happened? P-please, I-I want to help you." there were now tears running from her eyes and Naruto decided to tell her.

He gestured for her to follow and headed toward the beach. She followed without a question and wore a faint smile.

Naruto told her everything, except the Ino part. By now Hinata had stopped crying and was thinking hard.

"So, do you still want to help me?" he asked her.

"Of course, I'll kill Sasuke If I have to." she told him.

-

**Random Thoughts: Blood is thicker than water, but I can think of something thicker than blood.**


	4. Confession

**News: Part of this story will be written from Naruto's POV. Feel free to comment on my Random Thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does.**

-

_Normal POV_

Naruto and Hinata were sitting on the beach as they watched the sun set. (This would be the time that Sasuke and Sakura arrived) Naruto's eyes were back to normal and he seemed a lot calmer. They were both smiling and chatting, as if nothing had happened. Then something clicked.

"It was him!" Naruto shouted as jumped up. His eyes flashed red before returning to their normal color. Hinata actually jumped back in fear.

"W-What are you talking about, N-Naruto?" she asked as she backed away and slowly reached for a kunai knife.

"Oh, sorry," he mumbled, seeing her fear. "Well, it all started in hell . . . "

-

_Naruto's POV_

I woke up in some kind of cell. It was big, black and made of metal. I realized that even if it was made of metal, fire wouldn't melt it because it was built to be fireproof.

I walked over to the bars and slipped right through. Apparently the cage was made for huge fire breathing demons. So I walked out of the dungeon and up a flight of stairs.

When I got up the stairs, I found myself in a large room with a throne at the end. Sitting upon the throne was a man. He was talking to a couple of demons when I walked in.

"So, the prisoner has a demon inside of him?" Hissed the man as he tapped his fingernails on the arms of his throne.

"Y-yes, he has the Nine-Tailed Fox Demon within him, Master Lucifer." mumbled the first demon. Both of them looked as if they would rather be tortured than speak to Satan.

"Well, we'll just have to unleash that demon." laughed Satan as he stood up. He clenched his hand into a fist and flames ignited around it. The flame burned for three seconds before someone else appeared.

He was human. He had pale skin, blue eyes and black hair. He wore black pants, a red shirt, Red boots and black gloves with red markings on them. Lucifer turned to speak to him.

"Find him and remove the seal." Satan ordered. As he finished speaking, the newcomer left in a puff of black smoke.

He wasn't gone long before he returned. "He's gone!" he shouted as he reappeared.

"I know," Satan laughed, "he's standing behind that pillar, listening to our conversation."

The second demon snapped his fingers and I fell unconscious. When I woke up, I was in Kakashi's basement.

-

_Normal POV_

Hinata just sat there and stared at him in confusion. "So, what was who?" she asked.

"Sasuke! It was all his fault." Naruto replied as he sat back down.

Hinata was more confused than ever. "Then why did you tell me about your experience in hell?" Hinata asked.

"I promised my fans that I would tell them about it." Naruto replied. **WHAT THE FUCK!**

"NARUTO!" I shouted as I jumped out from behind a bush. "You're not supposed to know about the story."

"W-who are you?" Hinata asked, stricken with fear.

"I am the almighty ROLLAND" I laughed.

Hinata threw a shuriken at me, but it turned into a harmless flower. Naruto ran at me with a kunai, but tripped on a root that just _happened_ to be in his way.

Hinata drew a couple shuriken as I laughed at Naruto. "Going to throw more flowers?" I asked without looking up.

"I can do anything, Hinata." I sighed as I looked up, sure enough the kunoichi held a shuriken in her hand and had an amazed look on her face. "For example," I continued, "Naruto, kill Hinata."

Naruto's eyes turned blood red as he disappeared. He reappeared behind Hinata and held a kunai to her throat.

"Wait," I commanded, "I have a better idea. REWIND AND EDIT!" I called as I snapped my fingers.

-

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".yrots eht tuoba wonk ot desoppus ton er'uoY" .hsub a dniheb morf tuo depmuj I sa detuohs I "!OTURAN"

**!KCUF EHT TAHW** .deilper oturaN ".ti tuoba meht llet dluow I taht snaf ym desimorp I"

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.deksa ehs "?ohw saw tahw ,oS" .noisufnoc ni mih ta derats dna ereht tas tsuj ataniH

_VOP lamroN_

-

_Normal POV_

Hinata just sat there and stared at him in confusion. "So, what was who?" she asked.

"Sasuke! It was all his fault." Naruto replied as he sat back down.

Hinata was more confused than ever. "Then why did you tell me about your experience in hell?" Hinata asked.

"You said you wanted to know." He shrugged. There was just a sliver of the sun left above the horizon. It was a few moments before he spoke again. "Hinata, do you like me?"

Hinata blushed and cast her gaze down. "W-why do you ask, Naruto?" she mumbled.

After a few moments, it was clear that Naruto did not intend answer, so Hinata did.

"Naruto, I . . . You see . . . I . . ." The sentences just wouldn't seem to form correctly.

"It's okay, I understand," he replied, "you don't." He stood up and turned to leave. Hinata followed him.

"Naruto, y-you don't understand." she said, the sadness was clear in her voice.

"I don't need your pity, Hinata" he hissed as he turned around. Before he knew what happened, Hinata's arms were around him.

"I don't pity you Naruto, I envy you." she whispered into his ear. "You're strong, Naruto and you never give up. The truth is, I love you Naruto." With that, she kissed him.

-

**That was the end of Ch4. I hope you liked it.**

**Random Thoughts: How could Jesus have been white if he was born in the Middle East?**


	5. Day One

**News: This chapter is for Nakarame-Scarlet for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does.**

-

9:00 A.M.

"Ahem." Hinata heard someone cough from above her. "AHEM!" she heard the voice cough again. "Hinata!" she heard the voice hiss, but she recognized it now as Kurenai's.

"Kurenai-sensei? What are you doing in my room?" Hinata asked sleepily as her eyes adjusted to the light. That's when she realized that she was on the beach.

"Were you listening when we had that talk last week?" Kurenai asked her.

"Yes," Hinata replied. She could feel her face heating up.

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN?" her sensei shouted and pointed an accusative finger at Naruto.

"No, I . . . we didn't . . . " Hinata defended herself. That is, if you can call that defending herself.

"What's going on?" Naruto mumbled groggily as he sat up. Kurenai grabbed Hinata's hand and the two of them were gone in a puff of smoke.

-

9:00 A.M.

"When are we going to get home?" Sakura complained. Sasuke, Sakura and Druggy were walking for exactly three hours now.

"For the eighteenth time" Druggy began.

"Nineteenth." Sasuke cut in.

"Right. For the nineteenth time, I don't know!" Druggy continued.

"Oh . . . uh . . . okay. By the way, Sasuke . . . when we do get home . . . would you like to . . . go out with me?"

"Didn't you use that same line after the bridge thing?" Sasuke scowled.

"Did I?" Sakura asked as she pulled out a book and began ruffling through the pages. "Let's see . . . volume 4 . . . number 33 . . . page 121 . . . So I did." And with that she put the book away. "So is that a yes or a no?"

Sasuke was as confused as Druggy and merely shook his head. _'Was that her diary or something? I should steal it and look for proof that she slept with Kakashi,'_ Sasuke thought to himself. "So, when are we going to get to the shrine?"

"Th-The shrine?" Druggy stuttered.

"We _are_ heading for the shrine of Quobu, _right_?" Sasuke and Sakura growled at the same time.

"Oops, I forgot about the shrine. I guess we'll have to go all the way back." Druggy laughed.

-

12:00 P.M.

'_You've got to be kidding me. I have to have that bastard on my squad?'_ Kurenai thought to herself as she reread the note and sipped her tea at the local café.

_Dear Kurenai,_

_We are sorry to inform you that one of your pupils, Aburame Shino, has been taken to the Forest of Death by giant wasps. If not for a certain circumstance, we would make every effort to rescue him. However, there is a student who needs a new team._

_This student is Uzumaki Naruto. His sensei was found dead in his own basement along with an unidentifiable slut. His two teammates, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura, are MIA._

_So I have decided to put Naruto in your squad. That is all._

_-Hokage_

_P.S. Rescuing Shino is your next mission._

"Hey, Kurenai, have you seen Ino lately?" Asuma asked as he popped out of nowhere. She handed him the note and he read it. "Okay, Kakashi's dead, he probably just overdosed on drugs. So have you seen Ino? She missed our . . . um . . . training last night."

Kurenai shook her head and Asuma disappeared. _'Doesn't anyone realize that she was the unidentifiable slut?'_ Kurenai thought.

-

2:00 P.M.

'_Damn that Kurenai!'_ Naruto shouted in his head as he climbed the last free in the entire forest. _'You had better be in this DAMN tree, Shino!'_

Sure enough, when Naruto stuck his head through the branches, Shino was there, as well as a hidden tree house. Though I don't feel that tree house is the correct term. It was more like a house in a tree, a house tree, if you will.

Naruto wandered around this house tree for about ten minutes until he found Shino. Shino was Ino-ing a giant wasp in the bathroom. (That's my new term, instead of . . . well you know)

"Um . . . Shino?" Naruto called from the door. He soon regretted it, though, because Shino turned around.

"Oh, Naruto, what are you doing here?" Shino asked as he wrapped a towel around himself.

"We were sent to find you. They said that the giant wasps kidnaped you." Naruto mumbled.

"Who is _we_?" the bug boy wondered aloud. "Did you replace me?" Naruto nodded. "This is perfect. I have a plan and if it works, you'll be able to stay in cell number 8 with Hinata."

Naruto opened his mouth to ask how he knew when Shino answered. "There's little that I don't know."

-

2:20 P.M.

Naruto jumped from the tree and landed gracefully on his feet. When he turned to face his new squad, he was holding Shino's dead body. Both Naruto and the corpse had many stings all over them.

"What happened?" Kurenai demanded as she looked over her dead pupil.

"We were attacked by bees. They weren't giant. They must have been swarming at the time of the report." Naruto gasped.

"Ohhhhhhh, yesssssssssss!" they heard someone moan off in the distance.

"I thought Ino was dead," Kiba laughed. Soon everyone joined in and by the time they got back, you couldn't have even guessed that a member of their squad had died.

-

2:20 P.M.

"Ohhhhhhh, yesssssssssss!" Sasuke moaned as a fan girl gave him a message in the shrine. Although temple would be a better word. It looked like a medieval cathedral had a bottle of pink explode in it. The walls, floor, ceiling and furniture were all painted pink.

While Sasuke was being massaged by a girl that looked like she wanted to Ino him, Sakura was in the library.

The library was bigger than Kakashi's house and a maze of shelves wove throughout it. It was at the exit of the maze where Sakura could be found. She was reading a book entitled: The Mystic and was lost in its many pages about a mage.

She had been reading for an hour now and just finished the first chapter when the book spoke to her. "Are you interested in the Mystic Arts?" came a voice from the center of the book.

Sakura was so startled that she dropped the book. "Y-you can talk?" Sakura gasped as she picked it back up. "How is that possible?"

"The Zarlyn locked me in this book. My magic was the only thing stopping them from completely banishing me." the book told her. "If you can tell me my name, I will teach you the Mystic Arts."

Sakura thought for a moment. "You must be Nitsyb." She muttered slowly.

"Well, yes and no." The book laughed. "Back in my time, over a thousand years ago, we dropped the first half of our names. So call me Syb, or teacher."

Sakura smiled, tucked Syb under her arm and went to find Druggy. In just ten minutes, she found him, preying at the alter.

"Done," Druggy sighed as he stood up and turned to Sakura, "We can leave now. But maybe we should wait until tomorrow to leave, It's kind of late."

Sakura nodded and the three(Sakura&Druggy&Syb) of them went to find Sasuke, who was tied up in the massage room and was being forced to match the fan girl strip. Sakura, having had a lot of practice at dealing with crazed Sasuke fans, preformed a genjutsu that made Sasuke look like Naruto. That cleared the room of everyone in it except for Sasuke, Sakura, Druggy and of course Syb.

Sasuke thanked her and they all walked back to the inn and went to sleep. Well, Syb was teaching Sakura the Mystic Arts and Sasuke was too traumatize to sleep. Druggy, on the other hand, slept like a baby.

-

3:00 P.M.

"That was a great idea about the doppelganger and genjutsu thing, Shino" Naruto chuckled.

"Yeah, sure," Shino laughed, "Now leave me and waspy alone."

Naruto obeyed and wandered off to his house where he trained until he fell asleep.

-

**So, Nakarame-Scarlet, what did you think? No, I'm not ignoring the rest of you, I just don't know that you're there. Maybe you should Review. Review, Crack God!**

**Random Thoughts: Only fools rush to defeat.**


	6. Day Two: Back to Hell

**News: Sorry for not updating, but I forgot about this fic. Thank you, Crack God, for the P.M. to remind me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does.**

**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DAMN YOU COLORS!!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot to edit the chapter and look it over. It was supposed to say Pervy Sage, not Super Perv.**

-

"Druggy, what are you doing?" Sakura shrieked as Druggy was about to drop Syb into the fireplace of the Inn. "That's my teacher!"

Druggy wandered over and whispered into her ear. A look of shock dawned over the kunoichi's face and she nodded. He walked back over to the fireplace and threw it in. It shrieked in agony and burnt to ashes. Just then, Sasuke walked in and saw Syb burn.

"What happened?" The Uchiha asked with a slight smile on his face. He hated Syb and was planning to do the same thing that very night.

Sakura wandered over to the door where Sasuke was standing and whispered into _his_ ear. His eyes widened and he shot a Gokakyu fireball at the dying flame. The ashes scattered and revealed a gleaming diamond ring. Sakura wandered forward and gazed at the ring. She put it on and felt a flow of strange energy merge with her chakra.

"Okay, we can leave now, right?" Druggy complained as he opened the door and stepped through.

"As if_ we_ have a say in the matter." Sakura mumbled to Sasuke as they followed him.

-

Kiba, Hinata and Naruto all arrived at the park at the same time. Naruto sat down on the bench as Kiba started playing fetch with Akamaru. Every time Akamaru would throw the ball and Kiba would fetch it. Hinata just stood there, looking shy.

"Have a seat," Naruto chuckled as he slid over to make room for Hinata. Hinata nervously sat down next to Naruto.

"Are _all_ teachers bad at showing up on time?" Naruto laughed. Hinata nervously nodded. "So, where do you think they're always at?" Hinata shrugged. Naruto prayed for anything to brake the tension. Just then, Kurenai popped out of nowhere.

"All right, we're going to have some company on our next mission," Kurenai announced to her cell.

"Well thank you for the introduction, Kurenai." Gai said as he and his team stepped out of the shadows. The four of them walked forward until they joined the others. "We really appreciate you letting us come with you, what with the shortage of missions and all." Gai and Lee doubled over and threw up "Ugh," Gai groaned after he finished puking, "Maybe we shouldn't have had sushi for breakfast."

"So why are you okay?" Kiba asked Neji, who was smirking slightly.

"I used my Byakugan to look at it first; it was caked with bacteria." The Hyuga chuckled.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Lee shouted.

"The power of youth commanded that I only tell Tenten," he answered.

"The power of youth _is_ more important than our health. Well, I guess only Neji and Tenten will be going with you, Kurenai. See You later." Gai told her after he hurled again. "I will try to get better with the power of youthfulness." The two sick ninjas jumped away, puking as they did, (jumping isn't the best thing to do when you're sick, believe me, I would know).

'_He bought it?_' Neji thought.

'_Damn! Damn, Damn, Damn!'_ Kurenai shouted in her mind. _'Now I have to watch two bastards. I was going to leave Naruto with Gai, but now that he's not coming . . .'_

'_This mission is gonna' suck!'_ Naruto, Neji and Kurenai thought at the same time.

"Okay everyone, our mission is to go to hell, find the missing shinobi and get them back here safely." Kurenai announced. "You'll all need to commit a major sin before we can leave."

Kurenai, Kiba, Hinata, Tenten and Neji jumped off to prepare for their mission. Naruto, however, pulled out his laptop and sent a virus to Shikamaru, Choji and Ino. The virus was supposed to make their computers blow up and it did. Shikamaru and Choji died. Shikamaru went to hell because it was harder to fly then fall, and he was a lazy-ass (like another certain person I know). Choji went to hell because he was a glutton.

Then Naruto noticed that he had mail. He opened it and pictures of Sakura in the shower popped up, along with Pervy Sage's signature. He quickly printed them and deleted the letter. He stuffed the pictures into his pocket and surfed the web until the others returned.

-

Kiba walked through the forest as he searched for something to kill. He wandered around, following Akamaru for ten minutes, until he found a squirrel. He threw a shuriken at it, but the tiny little woodland creature caught it and threw it back. Akamaru, who had been trained for an evil ninja squirrel attack, caught it in his mouth and threw it back. This time, the squirrel wasn't so lucky and was hit in the chest and died instantly.

Frustrated that he had to find something else to kill, Kiba kept walking further into the forest until he saw an army. An army of evil ninja squirrels was before him, sitting on a tree. He had to act fast. He pulled out a kunai knife and threw it at the tree. It missed all of them, but that was okay, because there was a letter bomb attached to it. Kiba ran out of the forest just in time. The tree blew up and the whole forest burnt down, killing everything in it.

"Mission accomplished!" He shouted and he sped back to the park.

-

'_How on earth am I supposed to accomplish this?'_ Hinata thought as she walked toward the center of town. _'It's not like someone's just going to fall out of the sky, land on me and die.'_

Hinata pulled out a kunai and was about to kill a weed when a painter fell off a platform and landed his head on the blade. He died instantly and covered Hinata in his blood.

"Huh? Oh . . . Mission accomplished." She mumbled and she sped back to the park.

-

'_This is my chance to get Lee back for telling everyone that I was in love with Neji.'_ Tenten thought to herself as she knocked on Lee's door.

Lee answered it and was shocked to see his team mate. "What are you doing here Tenten? Shouldn't you be on your mission?" He gasped.

"Well, Lee, I came here to say . . . To say . . . I love you" She replied. "Oh Lee, kiss me." She leaned close to him. Closer and closer until their faces were almost touching. And she head-butted him in the face.

"Haha, loser, take that!" Tenten laughed as she turned to leave while Lee fell unconsciously to the ground. "Oh, and I'm in love with Neji, not you."

-

'_She is?'_ Neji thought to himself. _'I was going to rape you, but I have a better idea.'_ Neji had followed her all the way from the park and was watching her from a tree. He jumped down just before she turned around.

"Neji! What are you . . . " Tenten stuttered, "wait, were you following me?" Neji nodded. "Why?" She demanded.

"Because I love you." Neji admitted. He turned around and started to leave.

"Wait, where are you going?" Tenten cried after him.

"The Hyuga Complex." He replied.

"Why?" She asked.

"Come with me and I'll show you." He teased.

-

A couple hours later, Neji and Tenten rejoined the rest of their team. It was noon and Kurenai still wasn't there.

"Oh, hey guys," Tenten happily said as she and Neji arrived back at the park. "Where's our sensei?" Everybody sighed. "Oh." Suddenly their sensei jumped out from behind a bush.

"DIE DEMON BOY!" Kurenai shouted as she unleashed a barrage of shuriken. Every single one hit its mark and Naruto was launched backwards and stuck to the tree. His death was inevitable.

"Naruto!" Hinata shouted as her lover died. She felt as if part of her died as well.

The demon's vessel opened its eyes and with a surge of blood-red chakra, disintegrated the shuriken. Hinata almost had a heart attack. "Master Kurenai, would you please stop doing that!" Naruto shouted back.

"I was just making sure that you really could come back." The very angry kunoichi defended herself. "So are you all sinners now?" They all nodded. "Good, what did you do?"

"I set an ancient oak forest on fire." Kiba bragged. Kurenai nodded her approval.

"I k-killed a painter." Hinata mumbled.

"So?" Kiba asked.

"He was painting a church." Hinata continued. Kurenai nodded again.

"Neji and I . . . Uh . . . We . . . " Tenten struggled. Kurenai nodded.

"What about you, Master?" Hinata questioned.

"I'm a Satanist." She said simply. Everybody gasped. "Alright, let's go! " With that, she activated a scroll and six red hands reached from a shadow on the ground. The demonic limbs ripped into them and pulled their souls into the abyss. Everything after that was a blur.

-

"WWWWWAAAAAKKKKKEEEEE UUUUUPPPPP!" Naruto shouted into his new sensei's ear. Kurenai sat straight up and realized that everyone else was already up. She looked up at the sky and saw that it was blood-red. They were standing inside a fenced off area. The fence stretched upward farther than their eyes could see. Just in front of them was a large gate.

"We're here!" Kurenai exclaimed as she stood up. "Okay, all we have to do is pass the tests, find Kakashi and Ino and get them out of here."

"You forgot Shikamaru and Choji." Naruto added.

"You killed them too?" Kurenai gasped. He nodded. "Okay, we'll find them too."

As the six ninjas approached the gate, a demon appeared in front of it. It didn't look like a demon except for its glowing red eyes and pointed fangs. The tail kind of gave it away too. Other than that, it looked like a human boy.

"Eai gveart sam uc uhur, tvoshan." It hissed. "Sorz ag eai smoz rsyz Mosot?"

"_You should not be here, mortals." It hissed. "What do you want with Satan?"_

"Urs manug-qaj gveaz upyv as poukt rsyz nyr." Naruto hissed back.

"_The demon-fox would like to speak with him." Naruto hissed back._

The demon nodded and stepped aside. It snapped its fingers and the gate swung open. The team walked in silence as they followed the road, but soon Kurenai couldn't stand it anymore.

"What was that?" She shouted as she turned him around. She glared at him and he glared right back. Kurenai caved and turned away.

"What was that, Naruto?" Hinata asked him. Apparently Naruto just hated Kurenai (big shocker) because he told Hinata.

"It's an ancient demon language that's known only to demons." He told her. "I know it because of the demon-fox within me."

'_Bastard won't tell me anything.'_ Kurenai grumbled to herself.

The Six of them continued on the path until they came to a strange looking stone building. "It's a maze." Hinata gasped. She was right. It was a stone labyrinth.

"We should stay together." Kiba told them as they walked in. It was the strangest labyrinth that they had ever seen. Suspended from the ceiling were old-fashioned oil lamps. There were bloody hand prints and claw marks on the wall.

They walked straight and skipped every turn that they came to. They eventually became hopelessly lost. They went left. Right. Right. Right. Left. Left. Left. After an hour of this, they came to a large room. The door sealed behind them. It was all for the better, though, just one less way to get lost.

In the room, there were three paths that branched off of it. The team went straight. They walked down it until they came to a statue at the end of the narrow path. The statue came to live and began to speak.

"Ivma uma ioz vvyz gouv as isujot. Urs hursa azs vvyz gouv as rsoug. Utaarb dmahz gmo uz vvort kuup heai veat uhur haj vvo isymhysu." It spoke. Naruto nodded and turned to his team.

"_Only one way will lead to safety. The other two will lead to death. Choose wrong and we will keep your soul here for all eternity." It spoke. Naruto nodded and turned to his team._

"Okay, we have one chance to pick the right path. If we choose wrong, they're going to kill us." He said. "I say we pick this one." Everyone agreed.

"Suv te rdeahrs!" The fox-demon commanded. The statue obliged. It split in two and swung forward, revealing the outside. As the six of them walked through, the air became pleasantly cool. "We're on the ninth level." He informed them. "This is where the constant flapping of Satan's wings cool the entire area."

"_Let us through!" The fox-demon commanded. The statue obliged. It split in two and swung forward, revealing the outside. As the six of them walked through, the air became pleasantly cool. "We're on the ninth level." He informed them. "This is where the constant flapping of Satan's wings cool the entire area."_

Off in the distance, a palace was in sight. The team ran as fast as they could to the place. The path that led there was littered with disfigured bodies. There were ones missing eyes, ears, noses and lips. Others were missing whole limbs. There were some with screws and nails stuck in them. Some had been cut to pieces, some had no skin and some looked as if they had been raped.

When they got there, the doors opened and the missing shinobi were standing there, waiting to greet them. There wasn't time to explain. They all joined hands and Naruto preformed a strange jutsu.

A black light shot from the ground and forced them into the air. It pushed them straight through the rocky layers. They briefly saw Pervy Sage on the eighth levels before getting forced into the next.

-

Everyone started to wake up. They were back at the park. Everyone was there: Naruto and Hinata, Neji and Tenten, Kakashi, Kurenai, Kiba, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji. They all left the park and went home. All except for Tenten, she went back to the Hyuga Complex.

-

"There it is!" Druggy shouted as he pointed toward the setting sun. "The portal to the Village Hidden in-" but the rest of Druggy's words were lost as the hum of the portal reached their ears. The three of them ran through the portal and emerged in a village.

Everything from the sky to the people were shades of red. Other than that, it looked normal. "What did you say this place was, Druggy?" A now very pink Sakura asked.

"It's the Village Hidden in Love." Druggy answered. Sasuke and Sakura blushed as a look of shock consumed their faces. This was gonna' awkward.

The three of them were silent as they walked past many love struck couples.

'_Sasuke,'_ Sakura thought.

'_Sakura,' _Sasuke thought.

The two of them stopped, but Druggy, who was too consumed in his naughty book, walked on. They stared into each other's eyes. Sakura eventually broke the silence.

"Sasuke, for the longest time, I've had these feelings for you." She whispered. "I've liked you for the longest time."

"Then why did you betray me?" Sasuke snapped.

"W-what? When did I betray you?" Sakura asked, bewildered.

"When you slept with Kakashi." Sasuke hissed.

"Slept with Kakashi? I would never." She replied.

"You said it yourself. 'It's bad enough that he made _me_ wait for _him_ at_ my_ _house_ last night.''And he was so rough with me, I should have just went to sleep." He reminded her.

"I was just practicing taijutsu." Sakura said. "And he didn't go easy on me."

Sasuke said nothing. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her. So did she. Before they knew it, Druggy was watching them kiss in the middle of the path.

'_Why doesn't that ever happen to me?'_ He thought.

-

'_Damn! Damn, Damn, Damn! Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn!'_ Kurenai violently swore in her mind as she reread her new letter.

_Dear Kurenai,_

_It has come to our attention that one of your students has died. It has also come to our attention that Kakashi has become too depressed to teach, so Uzumaki Naruto is your new student._

_-Hokage_

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNN!" Kurenai shouted, causing everybody in the café to jump.

-

Meanwhile, Gai Lee were better and they, along with Neji and Tenten, were training.

"Konoha Hurricane!" Lee shouted as he demolished a tree. "I did it! I did it! I destroyed it in one hit!"

"Grrrrrr. Lee! Pay attention!" Gai shouted as he slammed Lee in the face. Neji and Tenten sighed and left to the Hyuga Complex. They arrived just after dark.

-

"Oh, Ino!" Asuma moaned as the two of them had sex. "Oh, YES!"

-

"Food!" Choji shouted as he ran to the all you-can-eat buffet.

-

'_Someone should make a device that turns the T.V. on for you.'_ Shikamaru thought as he laid in his favorite chair and stared blankly at the television screen.

-

Kakashi laid in bed as he read his dirty book.

-

Naruto and Hinata were having sex for the first time and the room was filled with much moaning.

-

Sasuke and Sakura were having sex in their new hotel room.

-

**There it is, Chapter Six. It was more than double the length of the last one. When you're really tired, it feels like you're on drugs. Today's one of those days.**

**Random thoughts: You survived Friday the Thirteenth! Yay!**


	7. Day Three: A Day in the Life of Neji

_**I added the ending.**_

**News: THIS STORY IS RATED M! Well, it's news to you, isn't it? My story hasn't been quite worthy of its M rating so far. In the next couple of updates, it will transform.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does.**

**I do not own any Star Wars or any associated quotes.**

**I do not own Invader Zim.**

-

"...and that is why The Power of Youth is what?" Guy lectured "Neji?"

"What? Huh?" The Hyuga mumbled as he came out of his sleepy daze. They were in a small, abandoned class room in the academy. Guy had decided that, after a rough training exercise that his team had last night, the thing they needed was a calm, relaxing lecture. The fact was that only Lee had been training last night; Neji and Tenten just had sex. They were up fairly last night, enjoying each other's 'company'. That's why Neji was so tired.

"You were paying attention, weren't you Neji?" Guy accused through clenched teeth. His expression was somewhere between constipation and anger.

"I'm sorry, Guy, but the Power of Youth is ridiculous." Neji said. "Youth isn't even powerful."

"We'll just see about that. Take it off Lee!" Guy shouted.

Lee, being the freak that he was, jumped onto his desk and started stripping to a song that he was singing. "You know you want to touch me, _yeah_, you know you do. I just want to say I want to . . . _touch_ you too." By this time, Lee was naked and stepping off the desk. "The First Gate: Getting Naked!" the stripper shouted.

Lee jumped onto Tenten and proceeded to rape her. "The Second Gate: Rape!" he moaned.

-

"What's wrong, Ino?" Asuma asked as the blond slut stopped sucking him and sat up.

"I sense a disturbance in the force," the whore answered, wide-eyed. "Somewhere, some freak has opened the second gate on one of their teammates."

Asuma, not having the slightest idea what she was talking about, forced her to resume sucking.

-

Neji rushed to his girlfriend's rescue, but it was too late. "This is it!" Lee gasped. "The Third Gate: Semen Release!" (**A/N:** It's funny because the third gate is seimon, gate of life.) Neji forced about 70 of his chakra into Lee's neck as he threw the rapist toward the wall. "I meant the weights!" Guy shouted. Blood exploded from his neck as he collided through a window. They all screamed as it happened. Neji (rage), Tenten (fear), Guy (rage), Ino (pleasure) and Asuma (pleasure).

Lee was dead.

-

Guy, being the passionate gay-lover that he was, sent a letter to the Hokage to request a trip to Hell with the Black Ops to get him back. He was sitting under a tree and reading the reply now.

_Dear Gay,_

_I have read your letter and studied the evidence against Rock Lee. I have decided that raping another ninja is too evil to be ignored. You do not have support from the Black Ops. Have a nice day._

_-Hokage_

Guy crumpled the note and threw at a bird. The bird dived and pecked him for a couple minutes and flew away. That's when Guy realized what he should do. He pulled out his cell-phone and hit a number on speed dial.

"Hello, Mr.Sicala? Yes, I need to speak to James . . . Hello, James? Yes, I need you to gather the _you know what_ and meet me _you_ _know_ _where_. Oh, and bring your gear." Guy hung up the phone and tucked it into his pocket. Now all he needed was for James to be as gullible as he looked, and the plan would come together perfectly. He may not have support from the Black Ops, but he would have support from the Green Ops.

The Green Ops are a special group. They adhere to very strict and complicated rules. The first was simple, but very disturbing. You had to be a gay boy, between 10 and 18 years old. (**A/N:** For all of you that know him, Tyler is in this secret organization.) Secondly, you had to be a trained ninja. (**A/N: **Yes, Tyler's a trained ninja. He's trained in ningu, or ninja tools, though I wouldn't count that as a ninja tool.) The list goes on, but if I tell you, you'll have nightmares. If there was anyone that would help rescue Lee, it was them. After all, Lee was their leader.

As Guy walked home, his mind attempted to work out his plan. He broke the first rule of being a shinobi: Never let down your guard. That's when it happened. The bird came out of nowhere. It swooped down low and an evil ninja squirrel jumped off and landed on Guy. It bit him and stabbed him with its little kunai knife. The damn thing even slapped a letter bomb on a very personal place of Guy's.

By the time the squirrel left, Guy was bruised and bleeding. He staggered into the clearing where he found a group of boys dressed in green spandex. Or rather he saw the group of boys and green spandex on the ground. "All right boys, suit up!" Guy shouted. The command was immediately followed. "Good. Now that I have your attention, we have to rescue Rock Lee. He was killed and sent to Hell. We have to die, rescue Lee, and come back." They all nodded like soldiers. Gay soldiers, definitely, but soldiers nonetheless. All thirty of them slit their throats and died.

Now I'm not insulting Guy's intelligence, but he's a dumb-ass. There's a huge, gaping flaw in his plan. The only reason that the other group could come back was because Naruto can use demonic jutsu. Guy however, can't. So, until further notice, Guy, Lee and the Green Ops will not be in my story. (**A/N:** You're Welcome.)

-

"Can I see her?" Neji asked the receptionist at the hospital. His eyes were wide with worry.

"I've already told you, she's fine. She's just in shock," The ugly, middle-aged woman snapped. "If you want to see her, I suggest you walk up the stairs, walk to room 198, and go in. It's not that complicated."

If Neji wasn't so overprotective and caring, he would have slit that bitch's throat. But fortunately for her, Neji was too concerned for his girlfriend to notice that wench's tone. So instead, he walked up eight flights of stairs and wandered down a seemingly endless hallway to Tenten's room, number 891. He couldn't bring himself to open the door. He couldn't even knock. Instead, he activated his Byakugan and gasped at what he saw beyond the door. "No, no." The Hyuga muttered as he turned away and deactivated his Kekkei Genkai. Tenten was alright, great even. By the looks of it, Naruto was doing alright too.

-

"Ooh," Hinata gasped as Naruto applied pressure to her wounded arm. The blood from his hand seeped in through her cut and heated her arm. It was a strange feeling. It burned, yet it was soothing. "Thank you." Hinata said after it stopped. She was fighting Kurenai while Naruto watched. Kiba had disappeared somewhere on an important mission for their sensei.

Kurenai just smiled her fake little smile. The cut wasn't even that deep. '_Just keep your cool.'_ Kurenai thought to herself. '_If you keep your cool, it will all pay off.'_

"Okay, that's enough for now, why don't we all break for lunch?" Naruto and Hinata both nodded and started to walk away. "Just a minute Hinata," Their sensei continued. Hinata winced and turned back. "I'd like you to have lunch with me. I need to talk to you about some _private_ matters."

They all knew what she meant by _private_. She meant that she didn't want to have lunch with Naruto. What could Hinata do though? Refuse? No, she couldn't just refuse. But she could drop some hints . . . Some obvious hints.

"Um . . . Kurenai-Sensei, I kind of' had plans with Naruto." She muttered lamely. Kurenai's glare was all the reply she needed. She walked over to her sensei and the two of them walked away together.

-

Naruto couldn't hate his new sensei more. Not only did she hate him for living, but she also hated him for dating Hinata. He said nothing and walked off in the opposite direction. After about ten minutes, he came to his favorite Raman shop. Who should he run in to but a very pissed Neji?

"Hey, Neji, mind if I sit with you?" Naruto asked. Neji said nothing and Naruto mistook his silence as approval and sat down. "Two please." Naruto called up the bar.

After a moment, Neji spoke. "Is one not enough?" His voice was firm, but shaky.

The blond ninja thought for a moment, slurping his Raman. "No," he answered eventually, "why do you care if I want two? It doesn't concern you."

"It does if the two are my cousin and my girlfriend!" he snapped.

"What?" Naruto asked, confused. He looked from Neji to his Raman and from his Raman to Neji. He was thorough confused.

Neji caught his glance and almost smacked him. "Not the Raman, you idiot, Hinata and Tenten!" He shouted.

"What about them?" Naruto shouted back.

Neji decided that the time for words was over. The ninjas stood up. Neji pulled out two kunai knives and it began. The Hyuga landed two swift swipes over Naruto's chest, which he followed up with a hard strike to the blond ninja's stomach. Naruto went flying from his position and into a wall.

"That's it!" Naruto cried as he stood up. "Art of the Doppelganger!" Instantly the room was full of . . . Nothing. "It didn't work." the demon boy gasped.

"No, it didn't." Neji smirked. "You see, I designed these kunai knives myself. They conduct chakra and magnify it."

Naruto attempted to summon the demon fox's chakra, but a searing pain on his stomach stopped him. He lifted his shirt to see that a star shaped seal had been placed over the existing seal. "No way you're strong enough to preform a sealing jutsu." he said.

"No, I'm not." Neji admitted. "It's just temporary. It'll last a half-hour tops, but that's more than enough time to beat you." With that said, he rushed in with his kunai raised. Now that he mentioned it, they did look different. They were longer and thinner. That was the last thought that Naruto had in that fight, for at that very moment, Neji put a gash in his foe's throat.

The Hyuga left the dying boy on the floor and walked out of the now deserted restaurant. He decided that a walk would be good for him. He couldn't have been more wrong.

-

As Neji strolled down the street, he saw some kids dressed like Shino. Seeing it on little kids, well, on them it looked weird. As he walked past them, one turned and spoke to him. His mouth didn't move; his voice seemed to come from his throat. "I wouldn't go that way if I were you." He warned. His voice was like nails on a chalkboard. "It will just get you into more trouble."

Neji ignored the creepy little child and continued on his way. As he walked, he thought about what the kid said. '_No one knows their future, or destiny,' _he thought. '_I found that out the hard way.'_

Just ahead of him, Hinata and Kurenai finished talking and started walking in different directions. Where Hinata should be walking to but toward Neji? Looks like that kid was right. Neji was too lost in thought to notice her. That is, until they were face to face.

"Oh, Neji, what are you doing here?" She asked, flustered. She still remembered the last time she had to fight Neji. It didn't go well.

"Walking," he snapped coldly. He wasn't actually mad at her or anything, that was just a way to tell himself that he didn't like her. When I say like her, I don't mean as a friend or a sister, no, I mean _like her_. It's a fact that he'd been struggling with since he beat her in the prelims.

Hinata didn't see it like he did. She thought he hated her for something stupid like branches or Byakugan or something. "Oh," she responded, "I just thought that . . . Well, never mind." She turned to walk away, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her. She turned around and found herself in her cousin's embrace.

"I love you, Hinata." He whispered in her ear.

Hinata was thoroughly confused. Did he hate her, or did he love her? And why was he hugging her? She knew it was wrong. She should be having lunch with her boyfriend right now, and he was her cousin. But it felt so right. '_Maybe this is why Kurenai was talking to me about birth control.' _Hinata thought absently.

-

"Where am I?" Naruto asked himself as he sat up ". . . The hospital again?" That's when he remembered. He touched his neck and felt a large scab on it. He used all the willpower he had not to peel it off. He left his room and wandered down the hall until he found a door that was cracked slightly. It was room 198. He walked in and saw Tenten sitting stiff on her bed and staring fixedly at the door. "Tenten? Are you alright?" He asked cautiously.

Her eyes snapped to his. "Oh, Naruto, It's just you." She sighed. "But where is Lee? Where's Lee? Did you bring him? You didn't, did you?"

"No," he said as he shook his head. "Lee's dead. Neji killed him." Tenten sighed, laid down, and fell asleep. Naruto just shrugged and silently slipped out of the room.

-

(**A/N:** Okay, this is the best part of the chapter.)

After hours of intense thinking and hard work, Shikamaru invented a remote control. He was now flipping through channels with ease. He found that there were spy cameras all over their villages and was currently watching Gaara.

-

There were three ninja from stone pinned down by Gaara's sand. The evil child flipped a coin. "Heads, I kill them, tails, they die." He called. Temari and Kankuro rolled their eyes. It landed on heads. The sand imploded and the three of them exploded. Shikamaru flipped the channel again.

-

"Oh look, it's Sasuke and Sakura." He mumbled. "Oh, wow. I wish I never saw that." He flipped the channel again and watched Invader Zim for a while."

-

A half hour later, he changed the channel to a camera in The Village Hidden in the Sand. He liked what he saw. More specifically, Temari in the shower.

-

"This isn't right." Hinata whispered to Neji. He rolled onto his side to face her. Her Eyes were unfocused; she was lost in thought. She mumbled something inaudible as she put her hand on his chest. His skin was warm to the touch.

"What?" Neji asked quietly.

"I said we can't do this." Hinata repeated as she removed her hand; her eyes were downcast.

Neji gently put his hand on her's. "You know what you want, don't you?" he whispered. "Do you really know what you want?"

She shook her head as tears formed in her eyes. "I don't." She admitted.

Neji gently consoled her for a moment before he spoke again. "Then how do you know that this isn't what you want?"

She shook her head again. "What about Naruto? And Tenten?"

"Tenten and I are over. From the looks of them, It looks like Naruto and Tenten have become great friends." He replied. "He's moved on too."

Hinata cried silently for most of the night, Neji comforting her the whole time.

-

Kiba and Akamaru trotted out of room 891 as a puff of signature jutsu smoke cleared. Kiba was laughing wildly. His little dog just looked confused. The boy laughed all the way to Kurenai's house. When he knocked on the door, it opened instantly. His sensei was expecting him.

"Well, how did it go?" The brunette asked him as she gestured him into her home.

"It all went as planed." He replied. "Neji saw exactly what he feared."

"Good, good," Kurenai muttered as she stroked Akamaru absently. "Knowing Neji, he told Hinata, and knowing Hinata, she'll ask me to remove him from our team."

"Or she'll have sex with Neji." Kiba offered quietly.

He regretted saying it, though, when Kurenai's fist collided with his face. "What are you talking about, Kiba?" She shouted, "Hinata's a good girl."

-

**That's it, chapter 7. Now, I have a very important question for all of you. Did you like how this chapter was written or chapter six? Drugged-up (Ch 6) or more serious (Ch 7)? Your answer will determine how the next chapter will be written. The rest of my chapters will be 2500 words or more. Oh, and all the Ino-ish stuff is over. Maybe it was the fact that Tenten's too traumatized from the Lee incident. . . Or something else. . . Maybe it was the fact that Neji had sex with his cousin. I'm not sure what it was, but it's just way too . . . Weird. Anyway, we're all updating our random stories on Random Day! That's on Dec. 25, tell everyone about it.**

**Random Thoughts: I miss Colors. He got sent away accidentally.**


	8. Day four: Marry Frickin' Xmas

**News: Whoohoo! Not even two months off! That's a personal best for me. Oh, and I can't read Times New Roman anymore (I've gotten too used to Courier), so This is all going to be typed in Courier New (the font). So get used to it. Also, I won't be able to update for a while. But sooner than three months. Minor Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess spoiler Not anything major. If there's anything wrong (spelling, etc...) Let me know.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Gaia Online, Apple, the iPod, Invader Zim, Sony, the PS3, Nintendo, the Wii, the Internet, TIVO or the Legend of Zelda. I also do not own anything from the technology, TV shows, or games listed above.**

**-Unknown Location**

"Did you send it?" The green kid asked his dog; it nodded. "Good," the kid continued, "now 'Operation: Take Over Konoha' can begin.

The dog walked over to the TV and turned it on. There it sat and watched a TV show about an angry monkey.

**-Hyuga Complex**

Neji and Hinata silently descended the stairs from their rooms to the living room below. As they entered the room, They noticed the changes immediately. The once dull, boring room was decorated in red and green chains, floating stars and realistic snow. Those weren't your ordinary paper chains, either. They were real cast-iron chains. The stars were probably miniature fireballs, Neji reasoned with himself, suspended by a gravity jutsu. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what the fake snow was made of. No jutsu could pass his Byakugan unnoticed.

Hinata wandered over to a pile snow and felt it. She immediately knew what it was. Neji realized what it was too, when a real snowball collided with the side of his head.

(**A/N: **I'm making up stuff now, so please bear with me.) In the village of Konoha, the temperature is too warm to snow naturally, so, on Christmas, the strongest ninja in the village gather and preform a very complicated weather jutsu. This allows it snow for a day there. Which is also where the rest of the Hyuga clan was now.

So, being human, the two of them forgot the snowball fight and skipped right to the presents. "Sweet.", "Yes!" and "Nice." Filled the air as they opened their gifts. Neji got an iPod from Hinata, some ninja tools from Guy that were covered in a strange liquid, a couple armed explosive from Sasuke, a note from Ino which he destroyed before Hinata could read it, a piece of paper with "Coul" written on it from Kiba, a heart-shaped locket from Tenten, and a note from Shikamaru that said come to my house.

Hinata got an iPod from Neji, birth control pills from Kurenai, a box from Ino which I would not like to discuss, a piece of paper with "Pile o' Coul" written on it from Kiba, a necklace from Naruto, and a photo of...well, you don't want to know from Sakura.

"Hey, Hinata," Hanabi called as she walked in the room, "father would like to speak to you,"

"W-what for?" Hinata asked as she jumped to her feet. Hanabi shrugged and the two of them left. Neji, being alone, decided to go to Shikamaru's house to see what the hell was goin' on.

**-Shikamaru's House**

"Okay, everyone." Shikamaru announced from his couch as the ninjas crowded around him. His house was pure white. The tv, couch, floor, ceiling, walls, everything, was white. His family was WAY to fuckin' lazy to paint. "I know what you're all thinking, 'What awesome thing did Shikamaru invent now?' Well, I have invented what I like to call the Innernet." (**A/N:** It's _supposed_ to be spelled wrong.)

The three ninja in the room looked as if they regretted coming, which they did. Choji was stuffing his face with chips, Kiba was fighting with Akamaru in a series of barks, and Neji was trying not to kill anyone . . . He had a lot of repressed anger.

"The Internet's...already been...invented," Choji told his host between handfuls of chips, "By...Bill Gates."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Not the 'Internet,' the 'Innernet'."

"You're soo getting sued." Kiba barked.

"It's completely different," Shikamaru argued. "It doesn't transmit data, it transmits data." He changed the pronunciation of the second one. He pulled out his laptop. "Watch."

He typed in " and a window popped up. It read: Gaia Online. Then he signed in and sent a friend request to "RollandandColors". (**A/N: **Understand? Send a friend request to RollandandColors. I'll be waiting.)

The three guests fell asleep as Shikamaru left the awesome site and went to browse the "Innernet".

**-Hell**

"I can't stand him anymore!" Satan shouted in his most pissed off voice. "GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"

**-Outside the Courthouse**

Fire spewed from the front lawn of the court house. The flames, while terrifying, didn't seem to do much damage. As the fires died down and ashes settled, a figure appeared, just visible through the smoke. The figure, a man, coughed and stepped forward.

"How are you doing?" asked the bright, smiling face of Gai-sensei.

**-Five minutes later, inside the courtroom**

"How does he plead?" asked a tall man from behind the judge's podium. A plastic cow figurine sat on it. (**A/N:** this is a tribute to Perverts, Freaks and Lovers, though you should have known that.)

"Innocent due to mental defect, your honor." Replied Gai's well dressed Lawyer. She had on a very formal outfit.

"I'm not insane!" Gai cried. The whole room turned to look at him.

"Objection!" Cried Gai's lawyer. The judge nodded.

"Strike it from the record." The plump judge ordered the jury. They did.

"Now, Mr.-" The judge looked at the paper in front of him,"Mr. Gai, you have been accused of ordering a dull-witted boy to strip off his clothes and rape a young woman." The judge droned on. "Is this true?"

"Absolutely not." Gai's lawyer stated simply, flicking brown tresses of hair out of her face. "All he said was take it off."

"Well, Ms. Wanda, If he wasn't talking about clothes, what was he talking about?" The judge inquired, large nose and forehead pink.

"My client was talking about the weights that his student wore." The lawyer, Wanda, answered.

"To access the 'Power of Tooth', right?" The judge taunted.

"It's 'Youth'," Gai corrected him.

"Who cares?" Asked the judge tartly. He was beginning to sound more and more like an old British lady. "It's not even real."

"NOT REAL?" Gai asked, shocked. "Tell me ain't real now." He said as his eyes glowed red and his salad-bowl hair began to rise. There was a huge explosion outside as the judge, jury and lawyer ran to the window. Naruto's house had exploded.

-**Hospital Road**

Naruto was cutting across Hospital Road to get to his favorite Ramen shop when he ran into Tenten.

"Hi." he told her dryly, trying to get around her. She didn't let him pass.

"Guess what." she said, giddy.

"No idea." Naruto replied as he tried to get around her again.

"I'm pregnant." She told him. (**A/N:** Now would be a good time to tell you that this story is set after the 5-year gap. Except I decided not to follow the story-line. Meaning not destroyed village.) "It's either Neji's or Lee's child."

'_Damn,'_ Naruto thought to himself. _'Just what I need, another_ Hyuga _running around. If It's Neji's child, It will be extremely gifted. If It's Lee's child, It will be very strong. And the both'd want me dead. I can't risk it. There's only one thing to do.'_

The sound of a soft thud echoed around her as Tenten fell to the ground. Naruto had hit her with an open-palm thrust to her head. Not expecting an attack, Tenten was caught off guard. The strike wasn't enough to kill her, but she lost consciousness as she collapsed to the earth.

**-Unknown Land**

"Where are we?" Sasuke asked to noone in particular as he and Sakura walked down a very busy street.

Druggy had been attacked by a frog in the last village and was in the hospital in that land. He'd said that He would meet the two in the Village Hidden in Drugs by teleporting there. When Sasuke asked why he couldn't just teleport all three of them now, he pushed them into the portal which sealed itself up.

They were shoved by shoppers and deafened by shouting vendors until they were forced into the town plaza. It was beautiful here. The sunlight hit the water from the fountain and shone through, making everything sparkle with an awe-inspiring radiance.

Something in the water caught Sakura's eye. "What are those?" she asked Sasuke. The two of them bent over the fountain and peered inside. There were gems at the bottom of the water. There were many green ones, a handful of blue ones, a couple yellow ones and one red one.

As the two of them stared at the jewels and wondered why they were there, someone bumped into them. No, they didn't bump into them, someone must have hit them with a wall.

The foreigners went flying into the air and landed in the far side of the fountain. A large man hurriedly walked around the pool to where the two sat, soaked to the bone.

A large, rough hand on each of the collars of their shirts picked them out of the water. The digits sat them on the ground. When Sasuke and Sakura looked up, they thought they were next to a mountain.

A man about seven feet tall was looking down at them. His brown skin was covered in sweat and he was breathing hard. _'He's been running,'_ Sasuke thought absently,_ 'or training.'_

"Sorry about that." Said the giant. His voice was like sand paper being rubbed together very lightly. "I didn't see you down there." The two decided to take it as a fact, rather than an insult.

"I don't mean to be rude, sir,"Sakura said in her cutest, most polite voice, "but are you made out of stone?"

"You're not from around here, are you?" The statue-thing asked. They shook their heads. "I didn't think so. I've never seen clothes like those before."

He sat down next to the outsiders and continued. "I'm a member of a tribe to the south-west of here." He told them; They were listening intently. "There's a town called Kakariko Village down there. Next to it is Death Mountain, the home of my people. It's where the Gorons call home. That's me; I'm a Goron. I'm Kora, to be exact."

He paused, in case they had questions; They didn't, so he went on, "To answer your earlier question, miss..."

"Sakura. I'm Sakura and this is Sasuke." She informed him.

"Well, miss Sakura," Kora continued, "I'm not entirely made of stone. My skin is made of sandpaper and the rest of me is rock. Though It's not all solid rock. Some of it is softer than you."

"You wouldn't be able to tell by looking at you. That you're made of rock, I mean." Sasuke informed Kora, "You look like a human with a bad case of goose bumps." It was true.

He chuckled. Which sounded like some one was smashing rocks together. "Where exactly are we?" Sakura asked curiously.

"Why, you're in Castle Town Square," He informed them. "In the great land of Hyrule. That up there," He pointed to the castle behind him. "That's Hyrule Castle, heart of the land and home of the Princess."

"Where were you going in such a hurry, anyway?" Asked Sasuke.

He scratched his bald head, then he gasped."Goddesses save me!" He cried as he jumped up and bolted.

The two ninja, thoroughly confused, followed him, struggling to keep up. He was heading toward the castle.

When they got to the palace gates, the guards stopped them by slamming the great gates closed. "No admittance!" Cried one, "Keep away!" Cried the other.

The two guards were garbed in thin flimsy armor. He could also see that they had a pathetic stance and an even worse grip on their pitiful spears.

"We have to talk to Kora." Sasuke informed them.

The two soldiers conversed with each other in whispers before agreeing. "You go in and we follow. The guards told him. "You," The first guard jerked an index finger toward Sakura, "are to wait here."

"Agreed," Sasuke and Sakura said together. The guards led Sasuke into the palace and the gates closed behind them.

**-Shikamaru's House**

The lazy ninja's guests had woken up just now, when he blared some music that he found online. Angered beyond control, Neji threw some shuriken at Shikamaru, who, channeling all of the motivation of all his ancestors, managed to inch out of the way.

After that, Shikamaru said that Neji had to leave. So, being bored out of his mind, he decided to take a stroll through the forest.

Once he was out of the house Naruto came through the door carrying a large duffle bag. He had chains and metal stakes slung over his shoulder, along with a shovel and handcuffs. He also held a necklace in his fingers that glowed with a dark light. "Hey, guys." Naruto said with actual cheer in his voice.

"You weren't invited." Shikamaru complained. "Oh, what a drag."

The blond ignored him and typed in a website with his toes. When it popped up, he jumped through the laptop and into the picture on the screen. The computer then imploded on itself.

**-Above the Forest**

"Here! We build here!" Shouted the green kid as his spaceship landed in the middle of the trees.

Just then Neji entered the forest and strolled around. It didn't take long until he was face to face with a very strange looking house. He walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. The door swung back, revealing a small green child.

"Hello," said the child, "I am a normal human worm-baby."

'_It's not working,'_ the green boy thought.

"Oh, forget it." mumbled the child. "Gi-"

"Wait!" Niji cut him off, "Do hear that? It sounds like..." He snapped his head around and confirmed his fears. "SQUIRRELS!" Neji ran forward and pushed the green child into the house. When the green boy stood up, his fake eyes and hair had fallen off, revealing red insect like eyes and antennae.

A flash appeared from the corner of the house. "I got you now, Zim." taunted a large-headed child that dropped from the ceiling.

"I think not, Dib." Zim taunted back. Now he turned to Gir. "You let him inside the spaceship?"

"Oh yeah." Gir muttered mindlessly.

An acorn broke through the window. "Ahhhhhh!" Zim cried as he pointed out the window, "What are those?"

Neji activated his Byakugan and narrowed his eyes. "Squirrels." The war had begun.

**-In a Dark Room Somewhere**

Tenten's eyes flickered open as she slowly regained consciousness. The other end of room was in shadows. The only light that she received was from the glowing rune that she stood on. She tried to lower her arms, but they were handcuffed to the wall. She tried to move her feet, but they were bound in chains and staked into the wall.

She would have used an escape jutsu, but when she tried, she felt the necklace that she had on heat very rapidly and burned her. She would have screamed in pain and fear, but a wad of cloth muffled the sound. She would have spit it out, but there was another strip of cloth tied over her mouth. A door opened at the other side of the room.

**-Hyrule**

Sakura waited outside the castle for what felt like forever. And every couple of minutes she would get the feeling that she was being watched. There it was again. She looked up, in the direction of the feeling.

There it was, a shadowon the north side of the watch tower, right across from her. Something wasn't right. From the position of the sun, the shadow should be further to the east, to her left.

She stood and took a few tentative steps toward the darkness. All too soon she was right in front of it. As she stared at it, a figure emerged from the shadow.

It was black and white and looked like it had a crown on. Sakurra screamed as it lunged for her. The creature brushed Sakura's ring in its dash. It shreiked in pain and agony, throwing both of them backwards.

The castle door blew open and Sasuke and a boy in a green tunic ran out, Sasuke to Sakura, and the boy to the creature.

The creature didn't seem hurt. It got up and summoned all its power before the boy held his sword out, broadside to it and it stopped.

"Link!" Cried the creature. Link shook his head, took a step toward Sasuke and took up battle stance. Sasuke activated his Sharingan and took a step forward.

"Blazing Phoenix Cyclone Jutsu!" Sasuke called, employing a jutsu that he learned just recently. Flaming birds swept from the sky and started to cicle Link.

The swordsman, however, laughed and spun around in the opposite direction, slicing bird after bird until they were all defeated. He shook his head, as if dissapointed, and sheathed his blade.

Sasuke was pissed. _'I don't think so he thought,'_ as he charged forward. If he'd been thinking clearly, he would have noticed Link's hand going for the hilt of his sword.

With great practice and skill, Link drew his sword and slashed Sasuke right before the ninja collided with him. It was a fatal wound. The mortal draw always was when it hit.

Blood kept pouring out of the ninja. It should have stopped by now. Then the wound split further and more blood flowed out. Then the gash split entirly and the ninja collapsed into a pool of blood.

Without thinking, Link swung his sword in a full circle. He heard a blow hit flesh, ripping it. Now that was the feeling he knew. Instinctively heturned and guarded with his shield. The flames from the ninja's attack didn't even melt the metal. This kid was pathetic.

'_What's going on?'_ Sasuke thought. Why wasn't his Sharingan helping? Or, even more frightening, maybe it was. Sasuke threw two shuriken at the swordsman. He preformed another spin attack and shattered them. _'He's not open to a frontal assault, stupid,' _Sasuke thought, _'But maybe he's open to a blow below the belt.'_

The ninja threw two more shuriken at Link, but they sped right by him, toward his friend. The swordsman threw his sword after them. It went through them and into the guard-tower wall. Seizing his chance, Sasuke sped in while Link was swordles. Or so he thought.

Link pulled a blade from a sheath under his tunic and got in two good blows on Sasuke, one on each side of the face. Link's friend, Midna, Sasuke thought, threw back the other sword.

Now that he had out both, Sasuke could see the difference. The larger one, the Master Sword, Sasuke heard himself think, glowed. While the Ordon Sword didn't. He didn't know where this information was coming from, and he didn't care. All that he wanted to do was kill the swordsman.

"Enough!" Called an elegantly dress woman, Princess Zelda. Link twirled his swords in his hands and sheathed them.

Realizing that the battle was over, Sasuke put away his kunai knives.

**-Inside Castle Hyrule, Tea Room**

The princess had invited Sasuke and Sakura for tea after the battle was finished and Sasuke was healed; Link didn't have a scrath on him. Now Zelda just sipped her tea silently as she stared at Sasuke.

When she was content, she put down her teacup and looked into Sasuke's eyes. "Yes, you'll do nicely." She mumbled to herself.

Sasuke was confused. "Nicely at what?" He asked.

"Well," Zelda replied, "We need you to help Link take down an evil force in the land of Hyrule. You see, these mages have come and their power is like nothig we've ever seen. Do you think you could help?"

He nodded. What better things did they have to do?

**-In the Forest**

"You will do exactly as we say, exactly when we say it!" Shouted one of the squirrel generals. Zim, Gir, Dib and Neji had been tied to a tree using the roots of the trees that the the little critters had possessed.

"I have an idea," Zim told his fellow prisoners. "Okay, Gir I need you to go eat the tacos. They're inside those ground-deamons' bellies. Eat the bellies, Gir! Eat the bellies!"

"Yes, sir! I obey!" Gir replied as his three-second Sir phase started and ended. He started humming as he slipped between the roots and ran over to the squirrels.

"How did you do that?" Dib asked, utterly shocked.

"I bathe in butter!" Gir shouted as he ran in circles, collecting squirrels and eating their bellies.

**-**

**There it is, chapter eight. And look at that, I have more than 3500 words. Anyway, I won't be able to update for a while. But It's not like three months. It won't be that long. The reason that I can't is because I have to write my actual story. The one that I'll eventually publish. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Oh, and thank you Dance of the Crazed (author) for supporting the conspiracy with Those Freakin' Squirrels (Naruto Fanfic).**


	9. The End

**Day 5: The End**

**Rolland and/or Colors do/does not own Naruto or any associated items, companies, ideas, etc...**

**-Outside the Hyuga Complex**

As Hinata closed the double doors behind her, She took in a deep breath of fresh, cool air. The completely black nights that accompanied. Winter didn't bother her at all. Using her Byakugan, she could see just fine. The Hyuga strolled down a path that led to the village gates. There she sat down, her note in her hand.

"Damn," Hinata cursed as her appearance flickered back to Ino. "My body-copy technique that I used when I took Hinata's place in Hell is running out of power. I must have used too much Chakra when I forced Neji into my Genjutsu to have sex with him.

It was a good plan, too. All I had to do was create a few copies of myself after using Kage Bunshin. And since it was a copy, not even Kiba and Akamaru could tell the difference."

**-Hyuga Complex**

"Hinata-Chan!" Naruto cried as he ran up and down the hallways of the Hyuga Complex. The blond found the door he was searching for and burst in.

"Hinata-Chan!" he called again. Hinata wasn't in there. Instead there were a dozen Hyuga leaders. They were apparently having a discussion before they were interrupted.

"How did you get in here?" Shouted a scarred-faced man as he swiped some scrolls from the table. "The guards would have killed you. You would've had to bring a dozen men with you."

Naruto didn't have time for this. "Or clones. Where is Hinata-chan?"

Hiashi stood up. "Ah, the demon child. We just found out. You see..."

**-Tsunade's Room**

"WHAT?!" Tsunade shouted across her desk at an equally pissed off Naruto. "HINATA DID WHAT?!"

"I told you, Granny, she left." Naruto was growing impatient. "So can I have permission to leave the village or what?"

"Shizune," The Hokage summoned. A very scared assistant walked over to the Sannin's desk.

"I have something very important to ask you."

"Tsunade-sama?" she asked timidly.

"Do we have any Sake left?"

**-A Dark Room Somewhere**

Tenten rubbed her eyes as she yawned. When she opened them, she found herself in a Konoha Hospital bed. She looked to her left and saw Neji sitting in the chair beside her. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon and the Hyuga was still asleep.

The Kunoichi's senses returned to her and she felt her wrists. No chains. The same went for her ankles. With a sigh of relief and one last glance at Neji, she went back to sleep.

When Tenten awoke again, Neji was twirling a kunai in his hand. Tsunade was there too, flicking dice into the air and catching them. Noticing that she was awake, the Fifth rose, as did Neji. Not wanting to feel left out, Tenten rose too.

Tsunade motioned to the patient to leave and added "we have some tests to run." The word 'test' frightened Tenten, but all of her fear melted away as Neji wrapped his arms around her. Everything would be alright, Neji would watch her.

The two kunoichi left the room and walked down the hall. "Um, Tsunade-sama," Tenten began, "Why did we have to leave the room?"

"For the tests that we need to run, you'll want to be somewhere private," the Fifth told her simply.

The two of them walked into a room with a sign that read: Authorized Personnel Only. Tenten turned to where she knew that Neji was watching her and mouthed a very long and scary warning.

In Tenten's hospital room, Neji got the message.

Many hours later, the Fifth returned, followed by a puffy-eyed Tenten that walked over to Neji. The Hyuga, who was about to hug her, instead received a slap.

"W-what was that for?" asked a startled and confused Neji.

"I was crying and you didn't even come to see what was wrong," she told him.

"but you told me not to watch," he protested. Tenten ignored that comment. "Anyway, why were you crying? It's not… Lee's…"

"No, no," she assured him, "It's yours."

"Then why…?" he began.

"They were tears of joy," she explained.

Tsunade decided to interrupt at this time. "Now, we're going to have to do something about this." Neji and Tenten exchanged nervous glances. There were rumors of what Tsunade did to people in this situation. All of them were terrible. "You should start planning your wedding now," she continued. The two gave relieved sighs and relaxed a little.

"I'd be happy to help," The Fifth told them. She reached into a pocket and pulled out a large scroll.

"I don't mean to be rude Hokage-sama, but you just don't want to do office work, do you?" Tenten accused.

"Well, um…" the Fifth stalled, "no, I really don't. So, about that wedding planning…"

"Hokage-sama, we mean no disrespect," Neji informed her, "but hell no."

**-Hell**

"Another," Hinata called down the long table to the barkeeper at the other end.

The tri-horned demon walked down to her and looked her over. "I think you've had enough," he told her.

Hinata was tired and angry. This was not the time to mess with her. In one swift movement she was trapped in Hell in Ino's place. That other Ino was her kage bunshin. "I said I want another drink," she commanded, but the intimidation in her voice was lost to a hiccup.

A man nearby decided to speak up at this time. "I gree wit dat barkeeter," he mumbled in his drunker slur. "I'll wolk ya hum." He took her by the hand and lead her out of the bar. Hinata looked at him. Those wooden sandals, that huge scroll, that spiky hair, she knew it from somewhere.

He led her past rows of hungry, lust filled eyes. Their demon owners made no attempt to conceal their secrets either. A cat-like demon licked his lips. Another slit the throat of the doll it was torturing. Several creatures were sharpening their claws. All were watching carefully.

As Hinata and her savior stopped in front of a door, the Hyuuga observed her location. "This isn't . . . My house," she told him.

He tapped the door knob which turned as the door opened itself. "I know," he whispered. The man jumped backwards off the stone steps as chains wrapped around Hinata. "It is my, the Great Juriah's, house."

Hinata gasped and struggled to get free. The chains squeezed tighter and tighter, forcing air out of her lungs. Desperately she gathered all of her chakra around her body. Slowly her chakra forced the chains off of her.

Juriah watched in amazement for a moment or two. He'd never seen anyone fight with such willpower. His shock, however, did not deter him from his goal. The perverted hermit raised his right palm and placed it on her forehead. With his free left hand he made partial hand signs.

Hinata's vision began to cloud. She started to lose the feeling in her hands and feet. Images clouded her mind. Her eyelids began to droop as she wobbled. Soon she lost her connection to all of her senses and lost consciousness.

**-Nowhere **

Hinata regained consciousness and found herself lying on a very comfortable bed. She seemed to sink into the mattress. Never would she leave. She didn't want to. Quite frankly, she didn't know if she could. Only one thing could make her happier.

"Hinata-chan," A voice whispered longingly into her ear. That voice, It was her boyfriend's. "Hinata-chan, It's time to get up, " he whispered.

Hinata giggled. "That tickles," She breathed. She forced her eyes open. Even though her vision was blurred, she saw just the person she was waiting for. "N-naruto-kun..."

She opened her mouth to continue, but he held a finger to his lips to silence her. She closed her mouth as Naruto bite his thumb. He rubbed his forefinger and thumb together and placed his finger on her forehead. Then he clapped his hands together and everything turned black.

**-Konoha Hospital**

Naruto sat quietly in the corner of the stale-aired room. No one had moved but an inch since Hinata had been placed in bed. The other occupants of the room included Neji drawing a manga, Tenten planning her wedding, a rather large bunny being menacing, two tiny toads hopping around, three cats licking themselves..., another rather small bunny munching a carrot, a troll learning Calculus, two goblins learning Trigonometry, eight fairies dancing, Sakura and Sasuke making-out, two news reporters doing a sound check, twelve medical ninja running about, and me hiding. Needless to say, everyone was busy.

Sasuke and Sakura broke apart just in time to see Hinata enter the room. "I heard that you were here, Neji-kun, and..." She froze, seeing Hinata in the bed. "Uh-oh,"

Neji and Naruto sprung into action. Neji pinned her to the wall and Naruto pulled out a kunai. He was about to slit her throat, when Tsunade kicked down the door. "Stop at once," she called, "If that slut dies we'll have no explanation of the plot or any filler for this chapter."

Naruto and Neji were thoroughly confused. "Tsunade-baachan, have you been drinking sake again?" Naruto asked?

"Wait, is it 4/20 already?" Neji added.

Tsunade ignored them and pulled Ino, now revealed, to the center of Konoha, to stand trial.

**-The Middle of Konoha**

Tsunade and the Konoha Council, made up of Shizune, Kakashi, Juria, and The Elders, stood over Ino and deliberated Ino's punishment. She had been proven guilty at merely the word of Neji, Naruto and Hinata. What did you expect, a fair trial? As if. Ino, a slutty whore and deserves to be treated as such, like not being given a fair trial.

Although the council had not yet decided on what punishment should be given, they all agreed on one thing, it had to be severe. About half of the council wanted her tortured, exorcized and then killed, so as not to have her able to return. It's common knowledge that you can't escape Heaven. It's worse than Taxes. The other half of the council wanted to do unspeakable things to her.

In the end, the first was agreed upon and set into motion, but not before they got her to give up her diary. It read as follows:

**Dec 24** The plan was a success. Yesterday I kidnaped Hinata and replaced her with myself. Oh the things I'll do to Neji. Oh, what fun we'll have together.

You don't want to read the rest of that. You'll have nightmares. A lot of nightmares. Involving a clown, a condom, a rubber glove, three kunai, and a summoning jutsu.

**-**

**There, that's the end, so review. Now, read the sequel. It has a plot! OYFG! That means "Oh Your F-ing God." The sequel is called "The Druggies' Demons" It's up Now go, read it and Review!**


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